Apologies for dropping off the radar for a while, I’ve found too many excuses not to post an entry over the last few weeks. It’s five weeks to the day until I fly and it can’t come soon enough. I’ve been working hard for this and in my mind I’m going on a very long holiday, only it isn’t going to be anything quite like a holiday; it’s more of a temporary relocation.
I’ve been coming to the slow realization that this trip isn’t going to be like anything I’ve ever done before. To begin with, I don’t have a definite time scale or return journey. I don’t have a plan set in stone. I’m going to be working. I’m going to become completely immersed in a new life. Everything I know is being left behind, with the exception of language. I’m excited by this, this is something that I want to do. I’m hungry for new experiences. It’s not all one way traffic though, there’s a part of me pushing back on my desire to learn to live in another country. A part of me that says “hey Chris, you’re comfortable here, you’ve got an alright job and your friends ain’t so bad. Why’d you wanna give all that up?”
The honest answer is I don’t. Things have never been so good at home. The problem I have with sticking around and continuing to do the same old things with the same old people is that, no matter how good that is, I get bored. I want nothing more than to wake up in a new city and know that I’m going to spend a few days getting lost. Maybe it’s just me, maybe a few years of giving up stability and security have given me a shorter attention span or a greater desire to do more, see more and enjoy more.
That said, it’s not all as easy as crushing the cynical voice inside. There are days when I really do stop and listen and think, “hey Chris, maybe you’re right. Maybe I should stick around.” Life is good, why risk it for the unknown? I can’t say for sure but sometimes looking around at the other people who have given in to that voice, I know that I’m doing the right thing. That’s not to say there’s anything wrong with settling down and enjoying a comfortable life, it just isn’t for me.
I had a conversation today with a friend of mine who spent three weeks living with a tribe in the Amazon. Most people would tell you that’s an amazing thing to do but those same people wouldn’t dream of doing it themselves. I’m not even sure if I could push that far out of my own comfort zone, I wouldn’t even know where to begin, but I’d sure like to try some day! The trouble with travel is that it excites me, everything about it. I love listening to other people tell me their stories, flicking through blogs, looking at photos and reminiscing over my own trips.
At the other end of the spectrum, I spent a weekend at one of my old friends from university’s house with her family. This is very much a life I’ve turned my back on for now but it did give me an opportunity to see the appeal and what I’m arguably missing out on. There is something very rewarding in watching a child develop, even if it isn’t mine and I don’t see him very often. I’m also all up for the idea of owning a little space in the world, somewhere you can call your own. This just isn’t something I’m ready for, I need my freedom and for that I need no commitments and definitely no dependents.
I’m definitely ready to go. Apart from packing and most of the other physical things that constitute being ready.