Fear and Trembling: The Bad And The Good

Everyone has their good days and their bad days and I seem to be alternating daily at the moment. One day I’ll get home from work, pick up my second-hand copy of the AA’s Essential Australia, 1995 edition (hipster credentials, yo!) and read potentially out of date facts, opinions and recommendations about what to do, where to go and where to stay in Melbourne. The next day I crash out on the sofa thinking “I’m mental, I must be mental. Why on Earth did I think this would be a good idea? What about the rest of my life? What about my career? What am I doing?”

The Bad

I’ve mentioned before that I’m not sure what I want to do with my life, and I was obviously having a good day when I threw out a care-free post that suggested living the dream and doing what you love but I get it, it’s not that easy. Today has been one of those not so good days. My imagination has been running wild with all the potential problems, all my little fears and what ifs.

“What if I don’t get a job?”
“What if I don’t find a place to live?”
“What if I don’t have a great time?”
“What if I get eaten by a shark?”

Did I ever tell you about the time I caught a shark?

How will I be able to cope moving to a new city in a new country where I don’t know anyone or how anything works?

What happens if it doesn’t work out?

There are some nights when I find myself lying awake questioning my motives, looking around at my peers, wondering how I got so far off the track, why aren’t I doing the same as them? Am I doing it wrong?

The Good

Did I mention how excited I am to be flying out to Australia on a one way ticket? It takes a lot of effort to actually think through my concerns and come back to the reality that they do not matter. My previous trips have been incredible and I started out with similar fears. I’m counting down, September seems so far away but I know that the time I have left is going to rush on by.

The easiest thing for me to do to ease my fears is to look back on Europe and America and the memories I have that defined the trip. How can I possibly be worried about adding to that sensational collection of experiences?

I look back at my what ifs and I think “so what?” It really doesn’t matter. Okay, maybe getting eaten by a shark matters but there’s as much chance of me falling of my chair and dying right now than there is of that happening. A large part of why I’m doing this is to see if I can cope with the challenge, moving abroad, finding a job, getting a place to live, having a great time. As far as achievements go, how’s that going to look on a C.V.?

So what about my career? I’m still young and have got plenty of time in the future to be concerned about that. Right now I need to keep the focus on right now. It isn’t important what my friends are doing. Let them live their lives how they want, you keep living yours they way you want, no matter how unconventional it is. There aren’t any rules, there isn’t a right way or a wrong way.

Relax

Relax. Breathe. Everything will be just fine.

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